The Woman, the Cat, and the Loophole

Once there were five children whose names were Rebecca, Kathryn, Caroline, Julia, and John Eric. This story is about something that happened to them when they went to Austin to get a new cat. They were sent to the house of a cat lady who lived on the edge of the city. She had a husband, and lived in a very strange house with a dog and an estimated ten cats. The children weren't quite sure of how many cats, because they moved so quickly, and yowled so loudly, and hid so thoroughly, dashing out at your feet when least expected. (The cats had insipid names like Squealer, Fuzzy, and O.C., but they come into this story more than should be expected.)

When the five children and their two parents, (naturally) entered the house, they were greeted by the Cat-woman. And also the sight of her very strange house. It was so odd-looking that John-Eric (who was the youngest) noticed nothing strange at all, because he himself was odd, and Julia on up wanted to laugh and had to keep coughing into their hands to hide it. Scratching posts stood every five feet. Cat toys lay strewn about the room. But she herself was oddest. (The grammer of the last sentence is off, I think, but if it is, the Queen will catch it.)

The Cat-lady kept the family there for an hour and a half, talking with the kitten the children were going to keep, telling it how to behave; telling us how to behave; "what kind of litter do you use?...Oh, the worst kind; if he seems restless you should take him to the vet ASAP; he enjoys Blue Mountain yogurt, but only the low or no-fat kind; he should get his wet food only between ten-thiry and eleven;" And I know that that was an incomplete run-on sentence, but so was she. We also had to sign a contract that said we would keep the cat in total isolation for two weeks, even though our current cat and dog have a clean bill of health.

After last night where the restless cat refused to stop walking on my parents until five-thirty, I was determined to find a loophold for the last commandment. And find it I did. Numbers 30:3-8 talks about vows of women, and says that if a women takes a vow and her husband disallows it, the the vow is no longer binding. So that nuisance is taken care of. Woo, and again I say, hoo!

(Some of the grammatical structure and rhetoric was borrowed from C.S. Lewis, especially in the first two paragraphs.)